rough times

This year I have had a lot go wrong, On the 10th of this month there was another death. Not only this, but A good friend lost his grandfather, my mother had surgery, and so did my younger brother. Then yesterday there was a school shooting at a elementary school Sandy Hook yesterday and a Newton School today.

There has been a lot of pain this year. And I wish no more pain upon others.

In light of these shootings and my friends murder something needs to be done, to make the world a safer place. It is very sad how much harm our species causes whether it be due to religious differences, political differences, and racial differences as well as all the destruction we have caused to creatures habitats or to ecosystems around the globe. As a species we need to start looking past our petty differences. I am not saying that there not people doing this already, and I am not directing towards anyone at all, but at our species as a whole. We need to protect what we have, keep what is here alive and advance ourselves without harming the world or members of our species. There was no reason justifiable for these children, teachers, and parents to die, and there was no reason for my friend to be stabbed.

We were all born here and we should all be able to live here without people suffering. Can't we all just get along and live long healthy lives? Letting those that choose grow up and produce offspring  and those that choose not to, to not. Letting those of any difference be as different as they want as long as they don't step on the rights of others.

With all this going on, the stress of my semester seems petty and worthless. All those sleepless nights, all those 36, 48, and weeks of varying hours greater than 30 hours, and the one 66 hour days. I wish I had more time to give to the world and hope to make things better for varying reasons. I do what I can to help others out, when I can. I wish I had more time to give.

nice guy/ single guy

I really hope the few other nice guys out there did not have a past like mine...I try not to talk about and I never tell anyone the full story. I think its safest for them, for the ones I share blood with, and myself.  Though there doesn't seem to be many nice guys out there, I thoughts as to why, but my brain cannot state the full thought. I enjoy pondering these thoughts on things though I feel I shall never now the answers.

On to the relationship status: as times progress I feel that I have accidentally or purposefully (unconsciously) ruined my chances of at least getting to know a few wonderful woman. As time goes on I wonder as to why I did this. Its been a long tedious brain thought, though I think I may have figured it out. I don't think it is that I enjoy being single, but I think inside I realized I can do the most good if I am single. I don't think it really matters too much to continue my genetic line, if I don't well oh well, and if I do I would want to make sure they are a benefit to the world.

I have lived my life always wanting to benefit to the world and I can do do this being single or in a relationship. But, as a single man I can be free at a whim to help those around me. If I am in a relationship there could potentially be issues say with a girlfriend feeling uncomfortable. This being said, I know the one who I hurt and I don't know if she even looks at these, I know its due to a lack of explanations. If I could go back in time I would have changed what I said, or rather I may have given a better explanation, but whats done is done, sadly. I can only hope that maybe I can correct it someday and prove myself trustworthy.

Maybe I am over thinking this whole thing. idk.