I really hope the few other nice guys out there did not have a past like mine...I try not to talk about and I never tell anyone the full story. I think its safest for them, for the ones I share blood with, and myself. Though there doesn't seem to be many nice guys out there, I thoughts as to why, but my brain cannot state the full thought. I enjoy pondering these thoughts on things though I feel I shall never now the answers.
On to the relationship status: as times progress I feel that I have accidentally or purposefully (unconsciously) ruined my chances of at least getting to know a few wonderful woman. As time goes on I wonder as to why I did this. Its been a long tedious brain thought, though I think I may have figured it out. I don't think it is that I enjoy being single, but I think inside I realized I can do the most good if I am single. I don't think it really matters too much to continue my genetic line, if I don't well oh well, and if I do I would want to make sure they are a benefit to the world.
I have lived my life always wanting to benefit to the world and I can do do this being single or in a relationship. But, as a single man I can be free at a whim to help those around me. If I am in a relationship there could potentially be issues say with a girlfriend feeling uncomfortable. This being said, I know the one who I hurt and I don't know if she even looks at these, I know its due to a lack of explanations. If I could go back in time I would have changed what I said, or rather I may have given a better explanation, but whats done is done, sadly. I can only hope that maybe I can correct it someday and prove myself trustworthy.
Maybe I am over thinking this whole thing. idk.
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