As a child I was told often, by what should have been a loving parent:
- that I was worthless
- I was useless
- I would amount to nothing
- I am ugly
- I am fat
- I would hurt everything I touched
When I was young and it could isolate me, it would say these things then it would make a point of forcing me to tell it I loved it.... I have never and will never love him. For me this is a hard thing to say to anyone because of the number of times I had said it and i meant nothing, with how little we kids said it to our extended family it was probably readily apparent of something. As a kid though I put myself in the position where this happened a lot, for the record I hated it so much, but if I was in this position then my siblings were not. I never meant it when i said i loved him, and it hurts me to think about it.
Even, the school district I went to thought of myself and all the other kids I went to elementary school with as worthless. The school drew the lines for the elementary schools so that one was filled with the lower income families, and it was very apparent just by walking into one of the other schools what the higher ups thought of those that went to Buffey Elementary school.
When I make a mistake, I wonder...were they right?
After some thought, I got up and went out of this quite lonely room I am sitting in, and I ended up helping a family find their way. A family in support of one of their children and an even their child has today. Previous to this I have been doing a lot of thought on what I was told by teo (short for the evil one) and made to say to him. And, I know I want to be nothing like him which is why I think so much before I act. After helping this family, it put a bright note on today... I will always be worthless to some, but as long as those I care for see worth in me I am happy, I will never be useless, I will amount to something, I cannot really do much about how "ugly" I am (physically) but I will work to no be an ugly person (mentally, emotionally), I will work on my weight, and I will do my best to cherish everything I touch. To care for the things around me and try to bring happiness to those near me. I know I will never say "I love you" often because I feel rather exposed, it is a phrase that means so much in such a simple 3 words, 8 letters, and 10 characters (space is considered a character and I am not assuming their is punctuation).
I care for how so many people around me, that I wish no harm to any of them. I wish happiness and a life without pain to them all, and I deeply hope I will never cause these people pain. In time I will tell those I care about how much I love them.
I shall leave you in the words of Dr. Joyce Brothers
(quote from: http://thinkexist.com/quotes/dr._joyce_brothers/)
"Love come when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable."
Even, the school district I went to thought of myself and all the other kids I went to elementary school with as worthless. The school drew the lines for the elementary schools so that one was filled with the lower income families, and it was very apparent just by walking into one of the other schools what the higher ups thought of those that went to Buffey Elementary school.
When I make a mistake, I wonder...were they right?
After some thought, I got up and went out of this quite lonely room I am sitting in, and I ended up helping a family find their way. A family in support of one of their children and an even their child has today. Previous to this I have been doing a lot of thought on what I was told by teo (short for the evil one) and made to say to him. And, I know I want to be nothing like him which is why I think so much before I act. After helping this family, it put a bright note on today... I will always be worthless to some, but as long as those I care for see worth in me I am happy, I will never be useless, I will amount to something, I cannot really do much about how "ugly" I am (physically) but I will work to no be an ugly person (mentally, emotionally), I will work on my weight, and I will do my best to cherish everything I touch. To care for the things around me and try to bring happiness to those near me. I know I will never say "I love you" often because I feel rather exposed, it is a phrase that means so much in such a simple 3 words, 8 letters, and 10 characters (space is considered a character and I am not assuming their is punctuation).
I care for how so many people around me, that I wish no harm to any of them. I wish happiness and a life without pain to them all, and I deeply hope I will never cause these people pain. In time I will tell those I care about how much I love them.
I shall leave you in the words of Dr. Joyce Brothers
(quote from: http://thinkexist.com/quotes/dr._joyce_brothers/)
"Love come when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable."
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