Each year around this time I reflect on what has been. And, each year I wish one special man could be here to celebrate my birthday with me. Sadly this great person was taken from my life back in 1997 of pancreatic cancer a little over a month after my birthday. As I type this I try to keep a part of him with me, and I try to live my life as he would have wanted me to. No one else's opinion's of me matter as much as his did.
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So, I think back on what I have done, and said to people. Whether I was happy, sad, or mad. There are several insistence where I wish I could apologies, but I feel it could drudge up old feelings, and make things worse. At the same time I look back on decisions I have made, and at times I am happy, in a few situations, that I took the high road, and at times I wish I would have. Life isn't always a box of chocolates, life isn't always sweet tasting, but it is full of different flavors, some you may not care for and some you enjoy, but all will come to pass, and all will teach you a bit about yourself.
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Still, I feel slightly incomplete. I know this year is usually a rough time for me, but there are a few reasons for that I don't think I will go into. some are quite obvious to those that have read some of these. And there are a few that have not been clearly stated. One, that I will mention is, well I think I am emotionally ready to try and start dating again. I know I will be slightly hesitant to trust like I did before, which I am justified in this thought. When a bridge is destroyed you don't build one with the same flaw in it, you make it stronger and you work to maintain it. One aspect of finding a relationship that is always hard to me, is the initial meeting.
- First off, how do you meet them? Do you meet them at the bar (which may imply certain actions that could be happening later or could not?)? Do you start up conversations with random people you see at stores, or while you are out walking (which could easily throw the creeper vibe if done wrong)?
- Secondly, obviously you need to find some common ground. Something you both enjoy, but it has to be something truly you both enjoy. And discuss it.
- Here is the real kicker, I get nervous anymore when I am talking with woman, when its not in a professional setting. I am a nerd who works in IT, and as I work I seem to be completely capable of helping anyone, but once you remove that layer I sometimes become a bumbling idiot. And, I will NEVER flirt/hit on a woman while I am working.
- I will never date coworkers, and I will never flirt with someone in a professional setting.
- If I then latter meet them in a nonprofessional setting then maybe.
- Thirdly, this is the hardest part for me, is getting to the spot where I am comfortable to ask for a number.
- Which I actually get slightly amused by when this happens and the gal says something like "oh, your a nice guy, but...." which might be truly meant, but my brain takes it as: "yeah, no."
- And, I think ladies have gotten smart about realizing if a guy is trying to\is hitting on them and they don't want it, which is when you hear ladies make lots of references to their boyfriends. This I have to say good job ladies at trying to pick out what a guy is thinking, maybe you could help us guys figure you out. Secondly, I don't only chat with woman because I think she is cute or because I am in situation Z, and we randomly strike up a conversation. This random conversation, does not mean I am hitting on you, or I am going to ask for your number, sometimes it is nice just to meet and chat with some new woman, being I am in a male dominated field.
For not posting in a long time, I figure a slightly long blog, showing my brain and its random bouncing of topics might be a good idea. Have a great Saturday Everyone.
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